Sunday Aug. 11, 2011

I am so deeply concerned with the state of our economy.  Thanks to bipartisan bickering and political egos, our country's AAA credit rating has been down-graded to AA.  Unemployment is still running rampant and salaries continue to diminish as cost of living continues to rise.
I have personally been struggling since my company saw fit to cut my salary $20k.  I have gotten behind on bills, drastically changed our lifestyle and basically I am robbing Peter to pay Paul.  It's a vicious cycle in that once you miss a bill payment you have to double pay the next month and therefore you have to miss another bill to pay the one that's behind.  My credit is suffering severely.  My credit cards have all, but one, cancelled me.
Alex starts school next week and will need supplies, clothes, shoes and lunch money.  Aly's rehab bill continues to mount, and Todd's vehicle is making an awful noise, which he says is the transfer case going out.
I have been dutifully sending resumes out for the last three months.  I have had two interviews.  One was less money than I am making and I totally blew one.  I went directly from conference (no sleep) and just was not on my game.  I knew when I left that I was not in the running.  I spoke to a colleague in New Jersey whom I know is not happy with our company either and she confirmed that she too has been sending out resumes, very unsuccessfully. Too many people are looking right now.
All seems gloom and doom so I am trying to reflect on the good things.  Aly is doing wonderful.  She came home to visit yesterday and we had a great visit.  I took her to get her hair cut and we downloaded a season of her favorite show to take back with her.  She wants to stay focused and clean and that makes me happy.  She informed me that she does not want to come home. That does not make me happy, but I understand. Lord knows I, of all people, understand the need to start new.  Hopefully once she gets her community service finished she can get a job and start looking for an efficiency or small apartment.
My body is healing and I feel relatively ok.  I am still weak and struggle to have energy, but I do not hurt and I know that I am on the mend.  I do worry about the reconstruction in October, but that's a way away so for now I am focusing on getting healthy.

June 19, 2011

I am scheduled for a mastectomy this Wednesday.  My surgeon will be assisted by my plastic surgeon who will, after the mastectomy, begin the reconstruction by cutting the dorsal muscle in my back and wrapping it around to my chest.  I am a little scared, but mostly fascinated by the prospect of the ability to rebuild my body.
I will be off work for two weeks and it is a much needed rest. The stress level is unbelievable at work. I am still without an assistant and one of my sales managers quit.  The DOS seems to be waging a power struggle with me and I am going to need to rest up for it.
Shelby, or as she now likes to be called - Allie, is still at Heart to Heart residential treatment center. It is very near six months that she has been there.  I have to say I am so proud of how hard she has struggled to maintain sobriety this time.  Six months ago I was sure I would be burying her soon, now I'm cautiously hopeful that she will recover and live a fulfilling life.  Her doctors have gotten her on what seems to be the correct combination of antidepressants, mood elevators and vivitrol, a once a month shot that blocks opiate receptors.  Luckily, with the new Obamacare, I was able to put her back on my insurance on April 1 and it is picking up most things at 90%.  It is covering the Vivitrol 100% and that in itself is a blessing, as the price of each shot is upward of $1,500.  The medical and pharmaceutical business is such a racket.
Speaking of which, my surgeon is charging me around $2K for my surgery.  The hospital that owns the building where her surgical suite is located is charging $32K.  Insane!