What is wrong with me? When my life is full of drama, all I want is calmness and when my life is calm, I'm only nervous, waiting for more drama.
I have had very good luck for the last six months, other than the usual up and down fiascoes I've learned to live with involving my daughter. My dad decided last November that he wanted me to have a house before he died. I really have no idea what prompted this, other than his brush with bladder cancer, which is in remission, but he decided that this is what he wanted to do for me. So he and mother drove down to Florida in November and he announced that he was going to finance a house for me so I had one week to get one bought. Talk about stress! But it was GOOD stress. The first good thing to happen to me in a very long time.
I contacted an agent and began the search. My dad, whom has owned his home outright his entire adult life of 60+ years, could not understand why you could not find a house you like, tell the person you want it, pay them and get the title. It was a frustrating experience for him and that added a little more stress for me, but I always work best under pressure anyway, and it was kind of fun watching him react and imagining how different things used to be once upon a time. Anyway, we put a bid in on a repo through H.U.D. It was listed for $78k. We bid $74k and had to wait almost a week for an answer. We didn't win that bid. I was disappointed and I could tell dad was too, as he just wanted to do what he came for and go home, but little did I know it was a blessing in disguise that our offer was not accepted. I truly believe someone higher up must be watching over me, otherwise I would have wound up in a totally different place in life. I keep fucking up and somehow it keeps turning out ok.
As it turned out we found a house at least three times bigger than the one we had bid on. It was an older home, built in 1959, a repo and needed a lot of work. It was 2300 sq. ft and had an addition of probably another 250 sq. ft. that was just roughed in and needed to be finished. The house had been on the market, vacant for six months and had just been reduced to $68k. That is basically an unheard of price per sq. ft. for any house in Florida, even a shack.
So having been burned by underbidding on the first house, even though the house had been on the market for a while, we bid the $68k cash offer and waited. Hours seem like weeks when you're waiting for an answer on a life changing decision. By this time my dad had been in a hotel room for almost two weeks and was more than ready to go home. We finally heard back and learned that we had won the bid. The title company wanted earnest money and tons of conditional contracts signed and that infuriated my dad. He still didn't understand why, if we were paying cash, couldn't he just give them a check and they give us the keys. Sometimes I don't understand why life can't go back to a more simple time too. Unfortunately, thanks to the swindlers and shysters of modern day, it will never be that easy again. So we muddled through the process and my dad wired $68k to the title company and viola.... we owned a house in Florida.
Dad had the deed titled to both himself and me. The agreement is that I will pay him $500 a month for the next ten years, at which time he will consider his loan repaid in full. If something happens to dad before the ten years is up, the house is mine, free and clear.
About a month after we got the keys, dad sent a payment schedule with a letter. It's the first time in my life that I can ever remember my dad being so generous and genuine in showing affection for me. I read the letter twice before I cried.
Thursday, August 11, 2022
Sunday, September 23, 2012
March 6, 2012
Crazy things come quick.
Aly got a job with her brother at Dunkin Donuts in the last of December. She is doing very well and in fact has been offered a shift leader's position. She goes in at 5 am and so far has had no problems getting up and going. I am so happy that she is functioning perfectly normal.
She also has started dating a very sweet boy. He is the nephew of my friend. I promised Aly that on her one year sober anniversary I would get a matching tattoo with her. My friend's nephew is a very talented tattoo artist and came over January 28th to do the tattoos. He and Aly began dating a couple of days later. I like this kid because he has never been into drugs or alcohol and I feel like he will be a good influence on her.
Just recently I received a bonus from work and finally was able to help my baby son purchase a vehicle that he can rely on for transportation. He sunk most of his paychecks into an old hunk of just that sat in the driveway for months on end. We sold it on Craig's list for $900 and I gave him another $900 and he purchased a 1991 Ford F150 from an old man down the street. The old man was the original owner and took meticulous care of the truck so I know it is in very good condition. Alex is tickled.
I haven't anything out of my oldest son since Christmas. He borrowed $300 and I think he is embarrassed to call because he can't pay it back. Oh well, I'll let him stew a little bit and I'll tell him not to worry about it.
Aly got a job with her brother at Dunkin Donuts in the last of December. She is doing very well and in fact has been offered a shift leader's position. She goes in at 5 am and so far has had no problems getting up and going. I am so happy that she is functioning perfectly normal.
She also has started dating a very sweet boy. He is the nephew of my friend. I promised Aly that on her one year sober anniversary I would get a matching tattoo with her. My friend's nephew is a very talented tattoo artist and came over January 28th to do the tattoos. He and Aly began dating a couple of days later. I like this kid because he has never been into drugs or alcohol and I feel like he will be a good influence on her.
Just recently I received a bonus from work and finally was able to help my baby son purchase a vehicle that he can rely on for transportation. He sunk most of his paychecks into an old hunk of just that sat in the driveway for months on end. We sold it on Craig's list for $900 and I gave him another $900 and he purchased a 1991 Ford F150 from an old man down the street. The old man was the original owner and took meticulous care of the truck so I know it is in very good condition. Alex is tickled.
I haven't anything out of my oldest son since Christmas. He borrowed $300 and I think he is embarrassed to call because he can't pay it back. Oh well, I'll let him stew a little bit and I'll tell him not to worry about it.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
December 13, 2011
It's December, almost Christmas. I'm still broke, worse than I can ever remember. The kids will not be having a big Christmas this year. The hits just keep on coming.
I have not had my reconstruction surgery yet. I owe the hospital money that I cannot pay. I think they would probably let me have the surgery, insurance covers the majority, but that would be another bill on top of the ones that I can't pay.
Aly is home. She came home Halloween week. It's been rocky, but she has remained clean and that is a blessing. The only problems are stemming from her lack of interest in getting a job. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she refuses to work. She would rather sleep all day, play on the computer all night and beg for money for shampoo and cigarettes. Well, I guess not really cigarettes. We went to Kentucky for Thanksgiving and my mother bought her a cigarette rolling machine and about 30 pounds of tobacco. I hate it. I told her not to do it, but she did it anyway. Now Aly does not want for cigarettes and it is just another reason she can avoid getting a job. At some point though, the stuff has to run out. Then it's going to be a battle again.
Mathew was discharged from the Navy. He got an apartment in Chicago and is going to go to school there when his GI bill kicks in.
Alex got a job at Dunkin Donuts. At least one of the three works. Ironic that it's the 17 year old still in high school.
I have not had my reconstruction surgery yet. I owe the hospital money that I cannot pay. I think they would probably let me have the surgery, insurance covers the majority, but that would be another bill on top of the ones that I can't pay.
Aly is home. She came home Halloween week. It's been rocky, but she has remained clean and that is a blessing. The only problems are stemming from her lack of interest in getting a job. I cannot for the life of me figure out why she refuses to work. She would rather sleep all day, play on the computer all night and beg for money for shampoo and cigarettes. Well, I guess not really cigarettes. We went to Kentucky for Thanksgiving and my mother bought her a cigarette rolling machine and about 30 pounds of tobacco. I hate it. I told her not to do it, but she did it anyway. Now Aly does not want for cigarettes and it is just another reason she can avoid getting a job. At some point though, the stuff has to run out. Then it's going to be a battle again.
Mathew was discharged from the Navy. He got an apartment in Chicago and is going to go to school there when his GI bill kicks in.
Alex got a job at Dunkin Donuts. At least one of the three works. Ironic that it's the 17 year old still in high school.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday Aug. 11, 2011
I am so deeply concerned with the state of our economy. Thanks to bipartisan bickering and political egos, our country's AAA credit rating has been down-graded to AA. Unemployment is still running rampant and salaries continue to diminish as cost of living continues to rise.
I have personally been struggling since my company saw fit to cut my salary $20k. I have gotten behind on bills, drastically changed our lifestyle and basically I am robbing Peter to pay Paul. It's a vicious cycle in that once you miss a bill payment you have to double pay the next month and therefore you have to miss another bill to pay the one that's behind. My credit is suffering severely. My credit cards have all, but one, cancelled me.
Alex starts school next week and will need supplies, clothes, shoes and lunch money. Aly's rehab bill continues to mount, and Todd's vehicle is making an awful noise, which he says is the transfer case going out.
I have been dutifully sending resumes out for the last three months. I have had two interviews. One was less money than I am making and I totally blew one. I went directly from conference (no sleep) and just was not on my game. I knew when I left that I was not in the running. I spoke to a colleague in New Jersey whom I know is not happy with our company either and she confirmed that she too has been sending out resumes, very unsuccessfully. Too many people are looking right now.
All seems gloom and doom so I am trying to reflect on the good things. Aly is doing wonderful. She came home to visit yesterday and we had a great visit. I took her to get her hair cut and we downloaded a season of her favorite show to take back with her. She wants to stay focused and clean and that makes me happy. She informed me that she does not want to come home. That does not make me happy, but I understand. Lord knows I, of all people, understand the need to start new. Hopefully once she gets her community service finished she can get a job and start looking for an efficiency or small apartment.
My body is healing and I feel relatively ok. I am still weak and struggle to have energy, but I do not hurt and I know that I am on the mend. I do worry about the reconstruction in October, but that's a way away so for now I am focusing on getting healthy.
I have personally been struggling since my company saw fit to cut my salary $20k. I have gotten behind on bills, drastically changed our lifestyle and basically I am robbing Peter to pay Paul. It's a vicious cycle in that once you miss a bill payment you have to double pay the next month and therefore you have to miss another bill to pay the one that's behind. My credit is suffering severely. My credit cards have all, but one, cancelled me.
Alex starts school next week and will need supplies, clothes, shoes and lunch money. Aly's rehab bill continues to mount, and Todd's vehicle is making an awful noise, which he says is the transfer case going out.
I have been dutifully sending resumes out for the last three months. I have had two interviews. One was less money than I am making and I totally blew one. I went directly from conference (no sleep) and just was not on my game. I knew when I left that I was not in the running. I spoke to a colleague in New Jersey whom I know is not happy with our company either and she confirmed that she too has been sending out resumes, very unsuccessfully. Too many people are looking right now.
All seems gloom and doom so I am trying to reflect on the good things. Aly is doing wonderful. She came home to visit yesterday and we had a great visit. I took her to get her hair cut and we downloaded a season of her favorite show to take back with her. She wants to stay focused and clean and that makes me happy. She informed me that she does not want to come home. That does not make me happy, but I understand. Lord knows I, of all people, understand the need to start new. Hopefully once she gets her community service finished she can get a job and start looking for an efficiency or small apartment.
My body is healing and I feel relatively ok. I am still weak and struggle to have energy, but I do not hurt and I know that I am on the mend. I do worry about the reconstruction in October, but that's a way away so for now I am focusing on getting healthy.
June 19, 2011
I am scheduled for a mastectomy this Wednesday. My surgeon will be assisted by my plastic surgeon who will, after the mastectomy, begin the reconstruction by cutting the dorsal muscle in my back and wrapping it around to my chest. I am a little scared, but mostly fascinated by the prospect of the ability to rebuild my body.
I will be off work for two weeks and it is a much needed rest. The stress level is unbelievable at work. I am still without an assistant and one of my sales managers quit. The DOS seems to be waging a power struggle with me and I am going to need to rest up for it.
Shelby, or as she now likes to be called - Allie, is still at Heart to Heart residential treatment center. It is very near six months that she has been there. I have to say I am so proud of how hard she has struggled to maintain sobriety this time. Six months ago I was sure I would be burying her soon, now I'm cautiously hopeful that she will recover and live a fulfilling life. Her doctors have gotten her on what seems to be the correct combination of antidepressants, mood elevators and vivitrol, a once a month shot that blocks opiate receptors. Luckily, with the new Obamacare, I was able to put her back on my insurance on April 1 and it is picking up most things at 90%. It is covering the Vivitrol 100% and that in itself is a blessing, as the price of each shot is upward of $1,500. The medical and pharmaceutical business is such a racket.
Speaking of which, my surgeon is charging me around $2K for my surgery. The hospital that owns the building where her surgical suite is located is charging $32K. Insane!
I will be off work for two weeks and it is a much needed rest. The stress level is unbelievable at work. I am still without an assistant and one of my sales managers quit. The DOS seems to be waging a power struggle with me and I am going to need to rest up for it.
Shelby, or as she now likes to be called - Allie, is still at Heart to Heart residential treatment center. It is very near six months that she has been there. I have to say I am so proud of how hard she has struggled to maintain sobriety this time. Six months ago I was sure I would be burying her soon, now I'm cautiously hopeful that she will recover and live a fulfilling life. Her doctors have gotten her on what seems to be the correct combination of antidepressants, mood elevators and vivitrol, a once a month shot that blocks opiate receptors. Luckily, with the new Obamacare, I was able to put her back on my insurance on April 1 and it is picking up most things at 90%. It is covering the Vivitrol 100% and that in itself is a blessing, as the price of each shot is upward of $1,500. The medical and pharmaceutical business is such a racket.
Speaking of which, my surgeon is charging me around $2K for my surgery. The hospital that owns the building where her surgical suite is located is charging $32K. Insane!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
An Update While Things Are Calm (written 4/20/11)
The new company took over on April 1. It's been a non-stop paperfest and I find myself feeling overwhelmed most of the time, but I figure it is just the learning curve and sooner or later the new reporting will not be new anymore and things will settle down.
Shelby was eligible to leave her mandated drug rehab on April 2 but she has chosen to stay. I have to say I am overjoyed with this decision. She seems to be taking sobriety seriously this time and is planning on staying in the rehab at least another month. I have to mention that she has recently been diagnosed as a borderline personality. This has made me both relieved and even more concerned. I am relieved in that now I understand who she is. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a person must exhibit at least 5 of 7 behaviors to carry the diagnosis. Shelby exhibits 7 of 7.
Now there is a name to what we know as our life. Now there is a reason for her out of control behavior. Nevermind the underlying contributors to the disorder, we have a name and therefore we can form a plan of attack.
Shelby was eligible to leave her mandated drug rehab on April 2 but she has chosen to stay. I have to say I am overjoyed with this decision. She seems to be taking sobriety seriously this time and is planning on staying in the rehab at least another month. I have to mention that she has recently been diagnosed as a borderline personality. This has made me both relieved and even more concerned. I am relieved in that now I understand who she is. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a person must exhibit at least 5 of 7 behaviors to carry the diagnosis. Shelby exhibits 7 of 7.
Now there is a name to what we know as our life. Now there is a reason for her out of control behavior. Nevermind the underlying contributors to the disorder, we have a name and therefore we can form a plan of attack.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What the fuck did I do to piss Karma off so bad?? Just once I'd like to sit down and write about how wonderful things are going. I mean, lets take inventory: My daughter is hell bent on self-destruction, leaving me on pins and needles every single day of my life; my oldest son seems to be having one surgery after another and at some point I think the Navy will discharge him because he cannot possibly be meeting his job duties; I have been sick off and on for five years with a problem that can't be diagnosed, so the doctors agree it's time to cut my boob off; and now, the icing on the cake !
Through all of the trials and tribulations of life, I have always had one saving grace - my work. I have been blessed with some sort of business sense and for seventeen years I have had a track record of taking hotel properties over and making very good producers for the owners. Little did I know the very thing that made me one of the top paid hotel managers for limited service hotels would now set me in the cross hairs during one of the most financially trying times in history.
My current hotel is a very nice Hilton branded property. When I took it over in February of 2009 it was just beginning to see the effects of what would be the horrible financial crunch of '09. The rack rate (normally offered rate) was $179/night. During the course of the next year, while mortgage companies failed, banks collapsed and people lost jobs by the hundreds of thousands, the hospitality industry saw drops of previously unheard of proportions. Area rack rates began to plummet. As other Hilton properties in the area dropped to crazy rates, I was proud that my hotel remained the leader of the competitive set. Even though we have gone from $179 to $129, we remain #1 of 7 in the market.
$50 difference in a room rate may not sound like much, but when you put it in perspective, taking into consideration that all group rates and other discounts float from that rate, you are talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost revenue. Just because we remained #1 in the comp set doesn't mean that we didn't feel the economic impact of the crunch. I had to lay off employees, cut hours, cut back on amenities and basically cut everything I could cut to stay afloat. There are some costs that you simply cannot cut. A hotel must have someone at the desk, they must have clean laundry and soap and shampoo for the guests. When you cut everything that can possibly be cut and the hotel is running a high occupancy and you still are not flowing money to the bottom line, the hotel is not profitable. This is the situation I have found myself in. I have worked diligently to make sure everything that can be cut was. Unfortunately, the only thing left to cut was salaried positions. I proposed the elimination of two positions in my hotel that would save $66K a year. This should put us back into a position of profitability.
My boss requested a conference call yesterday to discuss my recommendations as he would present them to ownership. What happened next blew me out of the water. I'm still stunned. He informed me that I had done a stellar job in keeping costs within line and controlling what could be controlled. He also agreed that I should cut the position of my assistant. He then informed me that I was the highest paid manager in our limited service portfolio and my salary was so out of line that he would be requesting a $25,000 cut for me.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Seventeen years of busting my ass to do a good job, building a reputation as a good prudent hotel manager, helping out with multiple properties while taking care of my own and feeling proud that someone acknowledged my hard work with a decent salary - now to be cut and belittled by a new fucker in our company that doesn't even know me??? Oh hell no. I told him that I felt like my tenure, hard work and reputation warranted my salary and that I was not interested in taking a $25K a year pay cut. He said that he would get with Human Resources Monday to see if he could proceed with the cut.
So, on top of every other lovely aspect of my life, now I am being rewarded for good work with a salary reduction. Nice. Where are the razor blades? Seriously, I need to slit my wrists now.
Through all of the trials and tribulations of life, I have always had one saving grace - my work. I have been blessed with some sort of business sense and for seventeen years I have had a track record of taking hotel properties over and making very good producers for the owners. Little did I know the very thing that made me one of the top paid hotel managers for limited service hotels would now set me in the cross hairs during one of the most financially trying times in history.
My current hotel is a very nice Hilton branded property. When I took it over in February of 2009 it was just beginning to see the effects of what would be the horrible financial crunch of '09. The rack rate (normally offered rate) was $179/night. During the course of the next year, while mortgage companies failed, banks collapsed and people lost jobs by the hundreds of thousands, the hospitality industry saw drops of previously unheard of proportions. Area rack rates began to plummet. As other Hilton properties in the area dropped to crazy rates, I was proud that my hotel remained the leader of the competitive set. Even though we have gone from $179 to $129, we remain #1 of 7 in the market.
$50 difference in a room rate may not sound like much, but when you put it in perspective, taking into consideration that all group rates and other discounts float from that rate, you are talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost revenue. Just because we remained #1 in the comp set doesn't mean that we didn't feel the economic impact of the crunch. I had to lay off employees, cut hours, cut back on amenities and basically cut everything I could cut to stay afloat. There are some costs that you simply cannot cut. A hotel must have someone at the desk, they must have clean laundry and soap and shampoo for the guests. When you cut everything that can possibly be cut and the hotel is running a high occupancy and you still are not flowing money to the bottom line, the hotel is not profitable. This is the situation I have found myself in. I have worked diligently to make sure everything that can be cut was. Unfortunately, the only thing left to cut was salaried positions. I proposed the elimination of two positions in my hotel that would save $66K a year. This should put us back into a position of profitability.
My boss requested a conference call yesterday to discuss my recommendations as he would present them to ownership. What happened next blew me out of the water. I'm still stunned. He informed me that I had done a stellar job in keeping costs within line and controlling what could be controlled. He also agreed that I should cut the position of my assistant. He then informed me that I was the highest paid manager in our limited service portfolio and my salary was so out of line that he would be requesting a $25,000 cut for me.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Seventeen years of busting my ass to do a good job, building a reputation as a good prudent hotel manager, helping out with multiple properties while taking care of my own and feeling proud that someone acknowledged my hard work with a decent salary - now to be cut and belittled by a new fucker in our company that doesn't even know me??? Oh hell no. I told him that I felt like my tenure, hard work and reputation warranted my salary and that I was not interested in taking a $25K a year pay cut. He said that he would get with Human Resources Monday to see if he could proceed with the cut.
So, on top of every other lovely aspect of my life, now I am being rewarded for good work with a salary reduction. Nice. Where are the razor blades? Seriously, I need to slit my wrists now.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Changes in Lattitude, Changes in Attitude
I had a counseling session with Shelby yesterday at her treatment center. I have to say that I am the most encouraged that I have ever been since this ordeal started. I have a good feeling about the facility, her doctor, nurse, therapist and progress. Although addicts are adept at illusion, they are used to making us see what they want us to see, I did get a sense of genuine determination on her part to be honest this time and try to recover.
She has developed a trust in her counselor. "Ms. Sherrie" is a licensed mental health therapist and addiction specialist that could be in private practice, and my guess is that she would make a ton of dough, but she chooses to work in the center for state pay and help those that really need it. She lost her arm in an automobile accident 20+ years ago when she was an active addict. She told us that she had been high for three days and was driving to the beach when she side-swiped a van with her arm out of the window. She wears a prosthetic arm and it takes a little getting used to, but otherwise she is a very small, pretty woman. She is, no doubt, a god-send for my daughter. I sat and watched them yesterday and the way they interacted was mesmerizing. She is so patient and insightful with Shelby and Shelby responds to it like a flower in spring sunlight. That is to say "she blossoms".
Sherrie constantly tells her how brave she is and how awesome she is. I need to do that more often (mental note to self) because I could see on her face how happy it makes her.
Shelby's boyfriend signed himself into detox at the same time that Shelby was in detox. He was there for 5 days and when he got out his mother bought him a bus ticket to North Carolina to stay with his father. At the time that he left their plan was for Shelby to make it through her court ordered stay in rehab and then she would take a bus up to him. They were sure they could start fresh and clean there. Despite my trying to rationalize the real picture to her, you can't really reason with an addict. This was going to take place no matter what.
Yesterday she revealed in her session that she was realizing that their relationship could never work. She said that when she talked to him on the phone he told her that he was drinking and smoking weed and she knows that she can't be around it. He also told her that he wanted her to "work on herself and let him work on himself" for a while. Although that hurt her feelings (she said "it makes me sad that he is kinda dumping me") I am so happy with this turn of events I could shout it from the rooftop! Finally she can focus on her recovery and becoming a clean sober person.
She has developed a trust in her counselor. "Ms. Sherrie" is a licensed mental health therapist and addiction specialist that could be in private practice, and my guess is that she would make a ton of dough, but she chooses to work in the center for state pay and help those that really need it. She lost her arm in an automobile accident 20+ years ago when she was an active addict. She told us that she had been high for three days and was driving to the beach when she side-swiped a van with her arm out of the window. She wears a prosthetic arm and it takes a little getting used to, but otherwise she is a very small, pretty woman. She is, no doubt, a god-send for my daughter. I sat and watched them yesterday and the way they interacted was mesmerizing. She is so patient and insightful with Shelby and Shelby responds to it like a flower in spring sunlight. That is to say "she blossoms".
Sherrie constantly tells her how brave she is and how awesome she is. I need to do that more often (mental note to self) because I could see on her face how happy it makes her.
Shelby's boyfriend signed himself into detox at the same time that Shelby was in detox. He was there for 5 days and when he got out his mother bought him a bus ticket to North Carolina to stay with his father. At the time that he left their plan was for Shelby to make it through her court ordered stay in rehab and then she would take a bus up to him. They were sure they could start fresh and clean there. Despite my trying to rationalize the real picture to her, you can't really reason with an addict. This was going to take place no matter what.
Yesterday she revealed in her session that she was realizing that their relationship could never work. She said that when she talked to him on the phone he told her that he was drinking and smoking weed and she knows that she can't be around it. He also told her that he wanted her to "work on herself and let him work on himself" for a while. Although that hurt her feelings (she said "it makes me sad that he is kinda dumping me") I am so happy with this turn of events I could shout it from the rooftop! Finally she can focus on her recovery and becoming a clean sober person.
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